Posts Tagged ‘review’

Monsters of Folk Review 1-1/2 STARS

mof

Monsters of Folk

Let me start by saying I think all these guys suck. I mean I can’t stand to look at their smug prick faces, it just incites rage in me!  Hey everybody look at me I’m Conor Oberst!  I’m so fucking cool I’m a millionaire and selling out festivals and huge clubs and think I’m better than everyone cause I’m in PETA.

Look… I would like nothing better than to see the Monsters of Folk EAT SHIT AND DIE.   I mean seriously?  What the fuck do I care?

Fuck, how come all the magazines and clubs like these guys instead of my band?  C’MON!!

Let me also say I’ve never listened to this album, and I will never listen to it.  I don’t think I could, I think it would actually make me vomit… I really, really do… I mean I am seriously about to fucking lose it here!

Every time I read an article these fucking guys are talking about animal rights!  Seriously?! Fucking ANIMAL RIGHTS??!!  Seriously, like, fucking animal rights.  SERIOUSLY ANIMAL FUCKING RIGHTS?!?   SERIOUSLY!?!

If I were to listen to this album I already know I would hate it.  I mean, I KNOW I would hate it, I mean I just know it would totally suck and make me sick.

I mean these guys suck really, really, really, really bad and I totally hate their guts.

1.5 Stars

ONE AND ONE-HALF STARS.

The Chronicle’s review of my album is total bullshit

Can you believe this shit?

I mean really, can you believe this?

They had the nerve to write that about me?  About my band?!

They just couldn’t handle the fact that we’re really good and people like us, so they have to try to sabotage our shit!

I mean the reviewers at that paper are a bunch of failed musicians… so, just because their bands sucked and nobody liked their music back in the ’80s, now they get to get their big pens out and shove them up real artists’ asses?  To think I gave those swine the pearl of a year’s work.   I don’t even think they know what a real fucking band is anymore at the Austin Chronicle!  I don’t think they would know a real fuckin’ band if it punched ’em in their big fat mouths!  Those Pretentious Fucks!!!

And I don’t even think they fucking listened to it!

Look!  Shelley King got three stars!  You mean to tell me my album gets two stars and Shelley King gets THREE?!  YOU’VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME!!!!!

Two fucking stars.  Two motherfucking stars!!  Thats what I get after all I’ve done for this town?  It just doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t add up…  I mean my band totally kicks ass… unless… hold on… I know whats going on here… I know exactly whats going on here!  This is all just one big FUCKING CONSPIRACY!  Thats what it fucking is!!  It’s crystal clear to me now!!!  This is one huge fucking conspiracy against me by the fucking Illuminati!!!