Posts Tagged ‘kissing’

I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It?

I Kissed A Girl

A moment of clarity came over me recently during an episode of Southpark. It was the Butters’ Bottom Bitch episode this season where Butters is revealed to have never kissed a girl and relentlessly teased about it until he finds a girl on the playground selling kisses for $5. At this point, Cartman, Kyle and Stan proceed to verbally teach Butters how to kiss saying, “When the girl sticks out her tongue, you just kind of lick it, with yours”.

I had to laugh because I think this might actually be the method of accepted instruction for dudes! I thought it was just bad luck that I loved the idea of kissing, but when put into practice, men are often awkward about it. It’s like an amateur wrestling match of the tongues and far too laborious to warrant long passionate kissing sessions.

Then one night, at a bar I was kissed by a really hot chick, completely caught off guard at the time.  I had to analyze it in retrospect because it’s the affliction I’ve suffered with since childhood, analyzing everything to death.  I enjoyed the kiss! Does that mean I’m a lesbian?  What does that say about me psychologically?

Slamming a Beer

What I’ve settled on is this: women are better kissers.  Women are innately more sensuous creatures while men are far more tactical and utilitarian.   Men just want to get to the good part and stops along the way are mentally timed in your heads wondering things like, “How long do I have to kiss her neck until I can grab her boob?” and “If I stop kissing her does that free up or obligate her mouth for and to do other things?”.

For women, kissing is like eating ice cream – just a little at a time and enjoying the taste, texture temperature, moisture of the whole process. For men it’s like beer – slam it quick so we can get to the main course. I don’t have any answers, it’s all just observation but while I could never muster the strength to be a lesbian, (props to you guys for doing it but I could never munch any carpet) I did kiss a girl, and I liked it.